Contact Jean for consultation options at: _jeanhamburg@comcast.net_ 1-877-813-0004
 
 
     
 
What is Cooperation Counts?

 

 

Cooperation Counts is a parenting program designed to help adults provide a respectful, predictable framework for daily discipline and praise. The chaos that results when a child decides to be uncooperative is dealt with calmly and effectively, so that family stress is greatly reduced. With the reduction, if not elimination of lecturing, yelling and anger, any underlying family problems that surface can be addressed more easily, including those that may require professional support.

 

 

"An easy to learn and non-confrontational approach to discipline based on a clever adaptation of 1-2-3 Magic's counting procedure. Cooperation Counts takes the stress off of parents by giving moms and dads clear guidelines and also by removing the need to verbally persuade the kids to behave. Leaves the responsibility for good behavior right where it belongs—on the child's shoulders."

Thomas. W. Phelan, Ph.D.
Author 1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12

     
 
CC ADDRESSES THESE AND OTHER BEHAVIORS
 
  Tantrums Homework Hassles  
Aggression Sibling Scenes
Talking Back Morning Madness
Refusals Bedtime Blues
Whining School Situations
   

 

Parenting is always challenging no matter what the circumstances, and in order to head for the most important part—emotionally filling up the children—it is vital for the adults to be in a frame of mind to be able to do so. This is often easier said than done, especially when daily life and relationships are so complicated. Peace does not always prevail. The kids do not always solve their own troubles and walk hand in hand into the sunset. Dozens of daily power struggles prevail in real life as in "I won't and you can't make me!" Still, the climate of our homes and the ways we find to connect with our children falls squarely on the shoulders of parents who are often stretched to the limit.

 

SAMPLE COOPERATION COUNTS STRATEGIES:

The Playing Dumb Method
Damage Control
Listening and Really Hearing
Letting Off Steam Safely
Getting the Kids' Attention, Minus Theatrics
Oops!
Turning Around Tantrums
The Power of Shifting Gears
Effective Time-Outs-for kids and adults

Finding ways to get through the troubles, while still maintaining adult dignity along with respect for the kids, leads to the most important goal of parenting: keeping positive connections. Often, difficult behaviors are actually a signal to parents that those connections need some fine
tuning, but understanding this all-important concept and finding ways to address them can
be tricky.

Please visit the BLOG portion of this website for various strategies!

 

 

 

 
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Simple Scripts and Favorite Phrases __

The Cooperation Counts program uses a set of simple scripts and phrases to address daily life dilemmas, and allows the adults to manage emotions which might, under usual circumstances, interfere with appropriate handling of various unsavory scenes. It is a program designed to help kids of all ages to do the same.

     
 
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Letting go of the Lectures _____

Cooperation Counts uses as its foundation, and with the author’s generous permission, the counting clues portion from Dr. Thomas Phelan’s well known and respected series, 1-2-3 Magic, Effective Discipline for Children 2-12. The Cooperation Counts system has added some very important pieces that teach children to take responsibility for and bear the consequences of their own choices without parents lecturing, nagging, or being the “bad guy” when it is consequence time.

 
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Simplicity

The system steps address complicated issues in simple, easy to remember and use, predictable ways.

 
     
 
 
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When the Adults are Serious

Cooperation Counts easily establishes a useful vocabulary so that the kids know when their adults are serious.

     
 

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Lowering Blood Pressure is a Good Thing

Cooperation Counts provides anger management tools for the adults as well as for the kids.

 
 
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Moving on from Mad

The system addresses daily life issues in quick, easy steps so that families have a better chance to manage the tough times without getting stuck in them.

 
 
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Power Struggles are Out

Power struggles, yelling, whining, talking back, and flat out refusals seem to disappear as the adults step back from trying to force an outcome. The decision whether or not to cooperate is in the child’s court. When children of all ages are given chances for choices, they tend not to need to be as defensive or oppositional. Boundaries can be put into place without power struggles even if the children’s choice is a decision not to cooperate.

 
 
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Home and School

The system allows for effective methods to connect home and school.

 
     
 
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Plentiful Praise

Praise is one of the foundations of the Cooperation Counts program. If, in our relationships with each other, we don’t support positives as well as have some fun, we’re done. Families who had given up hope and children who had shown great defiance are consistently regaining their ability to have fun together and live happier, more peaceful lives through these easily implemented steps.

 
     
 
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Why the Cooperation Counts System was Developed

Kids often have an advantage over adults. While they are a joy, they can also reduce us to tears quite quickly.

Age doesn’t matter. Children of all ages, even little babies, are experts at trying to get their adults to give in, even when we know that is not a good idea. The adults I am referring to can be educated or not, experienced with kids, even very experienced with kids.

Let’s face it, children usually are the ones who are training the adults, and we let them do it. We even know what they are doing but……

Kids know that most adults hate to be embarrassed, especially in public.

All they need to do is beg, whine, refuse, scream, look sad, even throw in some crying, rolling around, etc., and we are often rendered helpless. We then start reasoning, raising our voices, raising our voices a lot, threatening, calling for help from someone who is tall and who might have some influence, even a little!

Adults are quickly in the position of not knowing what to do, often within seconds. Aren’t kids amazing?

This phenomenon can occur anywhere-in schools, in homes, in cars, in public, and at any time.

 
     
 
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What’s Wrong With This Picture?

It’s not what any adult wants, but it happens over and over. The kids are getting away with a lot, and right under our well-meaning noses.

Separating can’t from won’t gets tougher and tougher. “I just can’t !” is a common theme. Uh oh! Even worse, the focus shifts, often within seconds, onto the adult!

Suddenly, there is a BIG problem. Adults are supposed to fix problems, or so I used to think.

“Doing something” about the BIG problem almost always ends up with everyone being angry. And worse still, when solutions are offered, the kids are usually not fond of them, unless, of course, the adults are giving in....

We let ourselves get trained by the kids. When we put our foot down, they start their acting up, which is never pleasant.

There is hardly a dignified way out—that works—until now.

“You can’t make me” is true. We can’t, so we might as well accept that.

Where the focus goes when there is a problem is important, and we do not want it to be on the adults.

All power struggles are nasty business and need to be avoided, at home, in school, in public, in the car, at great Aunt Tilly’s house—in fact, everywhere.

The trick is how to stay out of power struggles while having discipline and praise consistently and respectfully in place.

Cause and effect are alive and well, with the focus where it belongs, on the kids, who like to be in charge of themselves anyway.

Anger management for ourselves is more than a wish.

If there should be chaos, adults have ways to physically and emotionally step away from the fray. Having a plan in place replaces adult helplessness.

Getting the kids’ attention is not just a possibility. If the kids decide to cooperate, that’s great. If not, there is a thoughtful plan. This is a win/win situation for all.

 
     
 
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There is a Big Difference Between a Consequence and a Punishment

Adults can now get out of the punishment/ “bad guy” role and be sincerely
empathetic about a sad consequence.

 
     
 
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Keeping Calm

Everyone knows that adults are supposed to be calm. That used to be easier said than done, before the Cooperation Counts program came along.

 
     
 
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The future is important and so is the past, but it is only today that we can do something about. Each day is a gift. Enjoying each other more of the time counts for yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

 
     
     
 
 

 
 
Contact Jean for consultation options at: jeanhamburg@comcast.net __1-877-813-0004
 
 
___________________Copyright 2011 All rights reserved, Jean Hamburg LICSW _Buy your copy here__
 
 

 

Cooperation Counts (sm) is a service of Jean Hamburg, LICSW
The Cooperation Counts program
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